So, I got some latest movies from a friend’s laptop, about 22 of them and was planning to see them in quick successions. I did this based on the title and how interesting it sounded. So Jogun, the bae, came and said unto me, “Have you seen Me before you”. My answer was No. It sounded like one of those corny movies about girl falls in love with a guy but guy realizes it late and runs after girl in an airport. But I took her advice. Shocker!

I got irritated the first scene where the guy kisses a girl in bed and I screamed in my head “I said it!” and on and on till he gets hit by the bike some 5 scenes later. And I’m like “shi* just got real here mahns”. So I prepared for it. Till I started shedding tears. I am very emotional, for those of you who may not know me,  so well, no surprises there. But oh the soundtracks got me, chei, playing my favorite songs steady!! Unsteady, X Ambassadors… (I’m still so emotional and my throat is clogged as I write this). That’s how everything was going well and I it was all so romantic and I felt for sure he was going to change his mind, you know, about dying. They fall in love and kiss but he still hasn’t changed his mind. Ah! mogbe! So I stupidly introduce my friend into my monologue “all these romance movies, something will soon go wrong now”. Well, he falls sick at that point and was hospitalized and in that short coma? “I said it!”

That’s how the twat called Jogun told me, he walked. So I waited. And waited. Even till their last kiss, I kept waiting to see at what point the miracle happens.  Maybe his fingers start twitching. You see this waiting for him to walk delayed my tears because I felt, ok, it wasn’t so bad. He nor gree get up. Ok, I said maybe he walked when he was much older, but he didn’t kill himself that day. And then, he still kills himself! She was asleep, Jogun that is, but I slapped her from her sleep. My finest moment. I don’t do that to people so why do it to me! Unnecessary spoiler! Such is life abi? Apparently. But I cried. This is The Vow movie in part 2.

Let me also state that “khaleesi” is the new bae, for those who don’t know, she is Emilia Clarke… I never knew till I put it up on BBM and someone said she was in the movie!! Say wahh! She was so sweet and innocent and charming, so far from the fierce dragon mother, but that is what makes her an actress right.

To the main issue, this movie is ppro-suicide. I am pro-suicide so I really don’t mind, but watching a movie that makes it seem alright to want to kill yourself makes me question what side I am on.  I mean, is it really alright to kill yourself? My answer is always yes, not everyone can take the pain. But in this life where people can’t take the pain, should you make a movie saying it is alright to NOT take the pain? Makes me ask myself, am I pro-suicide because I am a rebel? Like “let me die cos everyone is living?” I can be that hungry to stand out eh. Like gay guys. Like Mr Garrison in south park who got angry when the men started acting gay and said he doesn’t feel so special anymore? Now that they make it alright to “stand out” it’s not special anymore!! Just kidding, I am totally not attention hungry in my suicidal thoughts or projects.

In fact, I always pride myself on being able to die and the only reason you find out is when the smell starts wafting from under my room door. But I just think, they shouldn’t have. Movies should always preach life, to give people like us hope, you know? Like if Will didn’t kill himself despite his pain, who am I to? This life is already depressing, I don’t want to know it is okay to give up, maybe I want to keep fighting, maybe I have a boyfriend who loves me no matter how crippled my mind and soul is, due to the accidents I’ve been through even if I can’t “have sex with his soul” ever(not really, I don’t think such men don’t exist). Maybe it is not alright for me to be selfish and I should think about my dad and mum who’s spent so much on me so far? Cos it would really hurt my mum? Maybe I don’t think it’s okay in my own case cos well I am not physically crippled. But who knows how many people will see this movie and just, that night, slit their wrist or swallow the pill and the vodka, or as Nigerians do it, drink sniper or hang by the neck..or jump down Lekki bridge…