I swear I don’t mean to be sad. I don’t. It just happens, my happy meter is broken.. Since I started getting bored with my job I have been bored with pretty much everything. I became a sad robot. I am a very happy person. On the outside at least. A while back though. It, however, started seeping through. The darkness within.

I could not control it. I could not get myself to get up from bed on a bright morning without cussing the day! I could not get myself to dress up or care about looking pretty until I put so much extra effort! A friend said, only happy people look good. But these days it’s better again. No, I refuse to believe everything will be great and alright and everything wrong will be fixed. I refuse to be optimistic. I refuse to set myself up for disappointment. I’m sorry to whoever this sounds weird to. But I promise not to be negative. I will not see anything as the end of everything. I will take it as it comes and believe each passing moment, maybe this little dot of clay on the surface of the earth can survive today, this week and maybe this month. But I promise to be alright.

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