People are so quick to point out that there are so many toxic women out there with high self-confidence that they can’t back up. To me, that sounds like the male gender that has bravado and the highest sense of self-esteem. When they describe charisma in a man, it usually means how he carries himself like he has power and authority, which are not immediately apparent.
Simply put, mansplaining comes from that same sense of self-esteem where a lot of men, especially literate men, feel like they know more and are usually right when it comes to technical subjects. They don’t see it as being rude. Not all men are not approaching a woman with the sole intention of putting her down, they just inherently know they are right, and when they’re not sure if they’re right, they just power through anyway. It’s not emotionally intelligent, but it’s suddenly a taboo when a woman does it. Men are not used to being in the same space with a woman who knows more about a subject that is or used to be male-dominated. People who live with privilege do not see it as special. It’s as natural as the air they breathe.
Men get into rooms they’re not invited to, apply for jobs they’re not qualified for, always owning things they don’t really own, always speaking into existence things that aren’t. The sole purpose of religion for a lot of men, is that strong faith that they can get anything they put their minds to. It’s the way all mothers speak to their son, letting him know all doors are open to him. It’s the way fathers expect big things from their sons, regardless of how he will achieve them. Nobody tells a man, “hey start small, it’s okay if you don’t have money to afford this”. Nobody tells a man, “manage, you don’t have to provide this for yourself, or your family”. It’s that constant pushing, and that creates a sense of achievement. Women on the other hand aren’t expected to aspire to more than marriage and childbirth. It’s very very okay if motherhood is all she has going for her. She’s encouraged to not seek anything outside this core identity.
Now, it’s okay if women become “overconfident”. It’s reverse engineering. If that loudness has no substance, we can deal with that later. This will be on an individual case by case. Let women be loud about these tiny achievements that are things of the past to those who have achieved more! If you’re in the front leading, let those who follow do so with grace. This being economical prowess. Yes, men are no doubt in front here. Don’t be the hater when you see that woman. There are many women who have come and gone before who did not always toot their horn, they are badass. Cool. You take a minute, breathe, acknowledge that we live in times when women are taking up space and announcing it. Move aside for her to take that space. There’s enough space for everyone at the top. I promise.
Say a word for prayer when you see a sister getting it wrong, but she’ll be alright. And so will you.