Those 3 words. Not “I love you”.

“I Don’t Know”.

Simple yet complicated. A lot of people find it hard to say. And it is understandable and relatable why. For so many, it’s social conditioning. Our education system is based on knowing rather than discovery or curiosity. We do not encourage vulnerability in any way shape or form. And someone acknowledging not having enough knowledge on a subject that is pushed to them speaks to a form of vulnerability. Flash back to being in class and feeling like you would just die if you were called on when you didn’t know the answer? Some of us were beaten by parents, teachers, and coaches.

For some people, it is simply arrogance or pride. They don’t often like to look or seem ignorant, so they bluff through situations and conversations. Unfortunately, no one can fool everyone all the time, so it can often backfire. People who think highly of themselves, and lowly of others will avoid placing themselves on a lower status by admitting ignorance of anything. So we worry that, by asking questions, we might look uninformed, stupid or incompetent. Sometimes people even also lash out at others and are quick to point out the ignorance in the fact that someone has a question, and they can deflect not having an answer.

For some, it’s feeling inadequate when someone comes to us with an emotional problem. We feel the need or urge to provide. To have an answer. To have something, anything. So we offer up what we do not have.

There is a silent power that comes with being able to say those 3 words. If you admit to not knowing and are openly curious about things and people, you reap benefits. You get information more quickly, you build stronger relationships, and you live authentically. The more you practice being confident in what you know and only what you know, you’ll hardly be presented with situation that demands you to be who you’re not. Putting up a front of knowing all the answers only puts you on a pedestal you did not mean to climb, but you cannot come down from.

It is humanly impossible to know everything about everything. It is often better to say you don’t know than to give a wrong answer. It is only reasonable to sometimes have the need to say “I don’t know”. But if you still feel cringe when you have to say it, that’s okay. It’s a habit, and here are ways around it. Try these next time someone asks you something and you do not know but you do not wait to say those three damning words.

Let’s start with quick answers to quick questions:

• Who knows/ I don’t have the slightest idea/ Don’t ask me/ Your guess is as good as mine. The last one is my personal favourite.

Or:

• I’m not sure I’m the best person to answer that but… 
• Based on my understanding, I believe…
• Great question. Let’s look into that together.
• Let’s see if we can get some more information on Google or from XYZ.
• I’m not sure, but I’ll find out and let you know.
• I’ll find out.
• I’ll look into it and get back to you with what I find.
• Before I answer, could you share a few more details?
• That’s a good question and I want to get you the correct information. Let me get back to you by XYZ
• Here’s what I know and here’s what I don’t know… 

By giving these type of responses, you display emotional intelligence and a good grasp of yourself!

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Peace. Xx.