Loving oneself is really really hard for a lot of people. Loving yourself through someone’s eyes is much easier. It’s one of the most attractive things about being in loving relationships. We love and believe that person, more than we love ourselves often times. So when they say good stuff to us, we can also believe them. When they say we’re beautiful, we believe it and it makes us feel good, and happy. So basically our sense of self worth hangs on to how that person sees us. It often works when we’re with someone kind.

They nurture that self worth gently and hopefully at some point we’re able to stand on our own. But what happens when we’re with someone selfish, or when we have a fight with this kind person. Our world comes crashing down. We know we cannot exist on our own anymore. This affliction is one women know all too well. She’ll have a simple tiff with the love of her life. They argue and he goes to sleep, very convinced that she will still love him in the morning. But she can’t sleep. She can’t stop imagining that it is the end for both of them. How does he see her now? How will he love her now? Maybe she has to end things before he does because she cannot afford the humiliation of him being the one to call things off. She’ll self sabotage. She becomes emotionally dysregulated and spirals.

We’ve seen situations when two unhealed or codependent persons are not able to function when they have a slight “fallout” in communication. This is why I’ll always shout therapy.

It’s nice to see yourself through someone else’s eyes. But what is even better is doing the work to build yourself up, build your confidence, your self worth, and being able to self soothe from a place of kindness to oneself.

Xx.