Don’t let people gaslight you into burying a traumatic experience or a relationship.
It has happened, it has happened. Unfortunately for you, it happened to you. Maybe you’re new to trauma or you’ve been there before. But forgetting your the trauma isn’t what allows you move on. I’m fact you can’t exactly move on. “Moving on” is a very terrible take we’ve had on trauma all this while that festers more trauma and spreads toxicity into every new born child.
It’s already in you. Your brain, has registered it. And your brain actually has a life of its own. Your brain will remember even if you remove it from the front cabinet. It’s still in the cabinet. Now the thing is, your body will react in either new ways, or cement an old way from an old trauma. So now you’re angry or angrier. Now you’re spacing out. You startle more easily. You don’t immediately have control over the way your body now reacts and you often find yourself asking “why did i do, or say that?”. New pathways have been created. It was to protect you. To keep you from going literally insane. Some people lose their minds actually. That you are not schizophrenic or “mad“ good for you. Some people develop split personality after a traumatic event. Basically if you had any of these reactions, you can no longer participate in society anymore and cosplay as someone who has it all together. So handle your trauma now and stop putting it on the back burner!!
Healing isn’t pushing the memory down. In fact, if your body wanted to, it’ll automatically push it all the way down as if it never happened. And like me you’ll lose chunks of events in your life that you will never recollect no matter how hard you try. But you’ll always know something went wrong inside you. And it is to protect you, but is that really what you want for yourself?
Healing is not burying it and moving on as if it never happened. Healing is working on the symptoms. Training your mind to cope in better ways than the way it reacted during the trauma. Training your mind to feel safe again in your body. Training yourself to trust again.
Forgetting a traumatic experience but never having a friend again because friendship is what made that nonsense happen to you? That is a joke, my dear. Burying the trauma but every time your partner “takes a tone” with you, you shut down for 5 working days!
Remember the experience!!! Ruminate over it. Think about lessons you can learn from it. Ask why. Why you? Why then? Why now? Who failed to protect you? Place blame on who blame is due. Sometimes it isn’t always you. Sometimes it’s your parents that failed you. The auntie that asked you to visit and allowed her husband touch you. It’s her fault. Sometimes blame society. Then be mad about it. Anger isn’t the bad guy. Anger is grief. And healing. Anger needs to be spent from your body, and loved out of your body. By you.
But you’ll never do that because you’re burying it and moving on like @ ariellarrrr54728 on Instagram told you to.
I pray we find the strength to look our demons in the eye every day and accept our experiences for what they are. Xx.