He’s not mine. He belongs to somebody else. Not legally. Just emotionally. And physically. And every other ally. This is strange. But I don’t care. Never been there or done that. I have no idea how this works or plays out.

They want you, just a little bit, but you want them more. I hear of how you want somebody else that you cannot have and somebody else wants you and you won’t let them have you, that vicious cycle, never been there! Of course, I know the bottom line. Heartbreak. That cannot be helped.

I tell this to myself every morning I wake after having a very detailed dream about him. I tell this to myself every minute I think about him and I blush. I tell this to myself every time he looks at me with those intense blue eyes that bore into my soul. I tell this to myself every time his lips graze mine. That does not stop me from building all these crazy fantasies in my head. Fantasies I know deep down will never be. For even if he doesn’t belong to someone else, he will just never belong to me. But you know what they say about forbidden love. It would always be the sweetest.

Scratch that, it will always be the one that leaves you hanging and dry and cold and shriveled. It will always be the one twenty years from now you would wish you never let happen. Those forbidden loves and forbidden crushes. Sigh. I hate this place. It’s the worst place to be. But what can I do but just wait it out? Wait till it all burns out and I can move on with life. I can be with somebody else and not be thinking about somebody else. I can’t wait. Or maybe I can?

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